For your enlightenment I will explain what I’ve been up to in SL this week....Well, it was like this, I was sat there at the Three Lions feeling bored and, being a virtual wall flower as usual when suddenly, I had a great idea. I logged out, telephoned my little brother and persuaded him to come in as, yes; you’ve guessed it a female avatar.
For the record my brother’s name is Simon, but for the purposes of this article he became Ddder!..... Delores Blister for the evening, well we immediately teleported into Phoenix dreaming and we were just minding our collective business, engaging in a bit of ‘walk about vaguely and pretend you know what you’re doing’ behaviour when Simon aka Delores says to me, ‘Look behind you.’
Well, at first, I thought he might be referring to some item of clothing, or that BMX bike that I managed to attach to my backside the other day, alas no! I turned around to be confronted by the sight of a white clad bloke with a massive tool, (and I don’t mean a hammer), pointing in the general direction of my posterior. Well, I said ‘Come on Delores, it’s Bob the pervert! Run for your life girl!’ Before I ran, I said to the guy, ‘My God, in RL, I was a nurse for twelve years and I never saw one as big as that! To give him credit were it was due, he did then offer to make it smaller, and I said: ‘You’d better or you might give some poor newbie heart failure walking around with that sticking out of your trousers!’ And he said, and I quote: ‘It’s not me missus, it’s these pants, I can’t get it to go down.’
‘Well says Delores, ‘I have the same problem, mostly in the mornings in RL.’
‘Delores.’ I said, 'you’re a bloody girl, remember.’
‘Oh er yes, so I am.’ Replied my sheepish brother, I told the bloke, ‘You’re really subtle you are; aren’t you!’
After that we teleported to Freebie island and with a quick IM to my brother not to go for the bloke things, we set about collecting some feminine products for him.
Well, we came unstuck rapidly after that, being a bloke, he would keep staring at the pictures of the naked women skin offers and typing inappropriate comments to me like
‘Wow, look at the jugs on that!’
If my avatar could have kicked him, she would have done so there and then. If she could have hissed; she would have said, ‘Delores, get a bleedin’ grip will you!
‘Let’s get out of here! Said my brother, and I happily conceded to this request and took him to Reggae Romance, where I insisted that he try out the jumping frog chair.
This proved hilarious, as Delores was wearing a rather inappropriate ball gown at the time.
I said ‘Delores you big berk, go to your inventory and put some jeans on!’ Once he’d got them on, I said. ‘Where do you want to go next?’
He let me chose and we ended up in a place where there was a rather posh looking beach plaza.
I said ‘Come on girl let’s go and explore!’ So off we flew over the island and landed in a café bar. Well, we sat down next to these two guys, ready for some girly chit chat when Delores suddenly says:
‘I need to go for a p***.’
‘Really Delores,’ I hissed. ‘One does not go for a p***; one goes to powder one’s nose, remember.’
‘Whatever!’ replied Delores and promptly disappeared. When she came back she sat down with her legs open and loudly announced that she had been to the fridge for a pint of Tetleys!’
I sent a ‘Pleeeazzzzzzz’ to her and suggested via IM that a glass of wine might be more appropriate?
‘Can’t we go to a strip club and enrol?’ pleaded Delores. ‘I can have a really good look at myself then!’ ‘
‘Delores.’ I replied. ‘I don’t think this is going to work.’
‘No.’ replied my sheepish brother.
At that point, we decided to call it a day and quit. I advised my brother that he’d better stick to being a male avatar in future. I’ve asked him twice now for his new male avatar’s name, but he is being very secretive about it. I can only guess what the little bugger is getting up to.
If anyone out there is lucky enough to get a male avatar’s name as Simon, it might just be my little brother you’re on a date with. So watch out for your clothes girls!
Contributed by Amelia Lutrova.
