Mafia Boss Behind Bars: Sings Like A Canary

Tuesday 25th March 2008

The once proud and arrogant, almost untouchable, head of the biggest mafia families is now behind bars. I had the dubious pleasure of meeting him within minutes of his arrival. Doughboy or Mr Pilsbury as he has been named by fellow inmates immediately tried to ‘Lord it over’ us. Well, as you now know, I have a short fuse. This guy lit it on sight.. Gee Where does Adolphe Freschi think he is..The Ritz?
Within minutes we were verbally abusing each other…. Phew he thought he was tough.puleeze.
The Sink Freak laid into him so much that the bloated excuse for a human ended up begging to be put back in his cell (which thankfully is well away from mine).
I am pleased to announce that Freschi has been driving us nuts..he cannot stop talking and all the evidence is piling up against him and his former family members. I have finally come to terms with the fact that prison is a cleanser of the soul, and if true, the cleanest person has got to be Freschi.
In a way he is doing me a favour, I need do nothing..the 'Family’ will do it for me.
Sorry, had to keep it short as the pigeon (my last one) is only little, but have more news, as all hell has broken loose in here. …There you go birdy. fly man fly.

Diary of The Ghul Prison Sink Freak (part 3)

Day 2: The Tower Revisited.
I woke from a nightmare but overall did not get much sleep, due to keeping one eye open on my leather clad cell mate. I shouted for a guard and one that I hadn’t seen before duly arrived.
“Good morning Sir” I said wearily.
“Morning DeSantis..sleep well?”
“Not really Sir but a dream about shooting a guard gave me the hots…...a joke Sir. Can you let me out so I can pee and take a shower, Sir?”
“Sure DeSantis..out you come”.
“Thanks Sir”.
I trotted after him like a puppy, ‘Nice bum’ I thought. Once in the shower room I stripped and started to wash.. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the door open…
“Shut the F’ing door you moron” I lashed out.
“WHAT YOU JUST SAY DESANTIS?”
I looked again and there stood Mr Grumpynuts, the guard from yesterday.
“ I said..watch the floor your on Sir..it’s wet” I quickly replied, thinking fast.
“Mmm I’m sure that is not what you said but switch the water off and get dressed..I want a word” he snorted. I’m sure he was gazing at my xcite tackle.
“Oh ok Sir…Is it about the sink Sir?”
“ For God’s sake DeSantis, enough with the sink thing already!!!”
I could still feel his eyes on me as I dried off and dressed. We left the shower room, me following him.
“You got a problem with hygiene DeSantis” he snapped once outside.
“No Sir” I sniffed and realized maybe HE had the problem. “it’s not me Sir, it’s the fact that there is no sink in the toilet”.
“There you go again with the sink thing DeSantis!!!”
“Sir, it’s not me it’s the sink or rather the lack of one” this was starting to get to ME now, but I have to continue with my persona and mission.
“Sir, it’s simple. Health & hygiene regulations clearly state the every toilet/lavatory/rest room or whatever MUST have a sink in order for the user of said facility to wash his/her hands after using the facility concerned”. I couldn’t help but smile and turned to walk away to the yard.
“DeSantis, DO NOT WALK AWAY WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU..AND NEVER TRY QUOTING REGULATIONS TO ME OR ANY OTHER MEMBER OF STAFF IN THIS FACILITY” he stormed.
I turned round, hands on hip, ready to make another cute remark..and stopped in my tracks. He had some sort of leash in his hand. I could feel the blood drain from my face.
“You understand NOW DeSantis?” and this time he was eerily calm. I backed off a bit and simply replied “Yes Sir”.
“Good, now get out of my sight maggot. Get in the yard..NOW!!!!”
I made a hasty retreat and was met with stares and messages from the other inmates. They warned me that I had been skating on thin ice and NOT to push Grumpynuts too far. Point taken, I decided to work out in order to calm the situation down. After the workout, I went for another shower and overheard the following ..
Guard X: God is Desantis in the damn shower again?
Guard Y: yep, maybe he is hoping for company lol”
Guard X: LOL. Has he asked you about a sink yet?
Guard Y: Sink? No. What does he want a sink for?..he’s always in the shower!!!
Guard X: Ask deSantis about it, but I warn you..that guy is going to be trouble!!”
Guard Y: Looks ok to me, works out and is social!”
Guard X: Well, just don’t get him on the sink thing and have a lash ready in case He starts on the subject!”
Aha..looks like I am getting to them but have learned not too push too hard at one time. Hehe, this is going to be fun.. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I dressed in fresh clothes and returned to the yard to find myself alone. I sat on a bench, smoking. A guard appeared, quite cute. What grabbed MY attention however was that he had his xcite tackle showing!! ‘Aye aye’ I thought, ‘What has this guy been up to?’
I could not resist myself and duly clicked on his privates. Up came the menu and I smirked as I pressed the ‘squeeze balls hard’ option.
“Stop that” came the immediate response. Needless to say I continued to click on the painful option, even as he walk away and vanished. I kept on clicking as another guard appeared. I asked him what the regulations stated about staff flashing. He replied that it was not usual for that to happen and asked why. I said that I was just interested and that it wasn’t important, meanwhile clicking away like mad on the menu hehe.
The cute guard appeared from nowhere, his face dark as thunder and his tackle gone.
“DeSantis, just what the hell do you think you are doing?”
“Me Sir, what Sir? I am just sitting here having a smoke Sir”
“Oh a funny man are we? Right..maybe it’s time we found out just how funny YOU think this is. The Tower…NOW” He smiled as his chain locked onto my collar and dragged me to that evil building.
I was about to find out just how bad things could get.
Due to the graphic nature of the punishment inflicted by that guard, I cannot write it here. I am in the process of creating a SL book with the full story, unedited. All proceeds will go to charity.
Next time: Day 2 Part 2.…The Tower AGAIN!!!

Diary of The Ghul Prison Sink Freak (part 2)

Day 1 (part 2)
So there I was standing in the shower room and I thought.’why not’. I got undressed and stepped into the shower, after turning it on of course. It was refreshing to get rid of the blood and other yucky stuff, though the hot water stung the lash marks that made my back look like a road map of the USA.
I dressed then shouted for a guard. As there is no paper or pen in my cell, the conversation that followed went like this. ( M=me G=Guard)
G: What is it DeSantis?
M: Could you come to the shower room please Sir.
G: Dammit, one minute DeSantis.
M: No problem Sir, I’m not going anywhere it seems.
G: Watch your lip.
M: (whispers..Gotcha) Sorry Sir.
The Guard arrives at the door
G: What is it?
M: No sink Sir!
G: What? !!! (door opens)
M: No sink Sir.
G: You taking the piss DeSantis?
M: No Sir, just had one, that’s why I need the sink Sir.
G: What the f*** for DeSantis?
M: To wash my hands Sir.
G: WHAT?!!!! (now seems to be getting angry haha) What you on about?
M: Obvious I would have thought Sir…Take a leak..wash hands. Only I can’t Sir.
G: Can’t what DeSantis? Take a leak or wash hands?
M: Are you thick Sir, just said I took a leak but no sink Sir.
G: Use the shower (I think he is testing me now) and watch your mouth DeSantis!!
M: Waste of water Sir. Ouch
15 seconds later I am back in the cell.
G: Now let me get this straight DeSantis. You need a sink to wash your hands?
I roll my eyes, think he is starting to get the point..
M: Yes Sir
G: And you can’t use the shower for that as it is a waste of water?
M: 2/2
G What the f*** is 2/2?
My god this guy is thick but I smile sweetly..
M: It means two out of two correct Sir
G: You bad mouthing me DeSantis? ..coz if you are…
M: No Sir, I wouldn’t dare Sir (even though I was!)
G: Then shut up about the damn sink and stay there.
M: Yes Sir! (whispers..Can’t go anywhere anyway you moron)
He walks off and I’m left on my own for a while. A few minutes go by and a new guard appears
G: You new DeSantis?
M: Yes Sir
G: OK, out to the yard.
M: But Sir…
G: No buts…out!
I’m thinking of telling him about the other guard’s order but hey, if it gets me out of the cell so much the better. We get to the yard and I start chatting to the other Guys. Suddenly I am on my back, I stupidly answered yes to an animate request. I look down and there is some nutter trying to hump me.
“What the f***uck you doing man?” I scream
“Pouncing you buddy” the idiot replies.
“Get off me you twat, I’ve only just showered and you look filthy” I retort.
“No harm done bud” ‘Pouncer’ answers.
“NO HARM..NO HARM.. I’m filthy now asswipe” I scream and rush off into the shower room. Whilst in there I hear them chatting.
Prisoner 1: What’s up with him?
Pouncer: Dunno, is he new?
Prisoner 1: Yeah, second shower he has had already. Wants a sink too!
Pouncer: A Sink? What for?
Prisoner 1: To wash his hands apparently?
Pouncer: he a nutter or what?
Prisoner 1: nah, you’re the nutter in here Pouncer lol.
Pouncer: Right..that does it.
I stroll out to find Pouncer trying to hump the other guy. Looks like this place isn’t so bad after all. My mistake.
“DESANTIS..WHAT THE F*** YOU DOING OUT OF YOUR CELL?!!!!”
‘Oh Christ’ I thought ‘here we go again’.

End of part 2. Next episode; Day 2 ...The Tower revisited;
Footnote: Pouncer is not the real name of the prisoner.

Diary of The Ghul Prison Sink Freak (part 1)

Part 1: Day of Incarceration.

It happened so fast it made my head spin. After spending hours getting ready for the party (one likes to looks ones best), I arrived. Just about to say Hi to everyone and then WALLOP!! I’m arrested.
A bloke is standing in front of me looking none too pleased.
“Baron DeSantis you are under arrest for exposing yourself in a public toilet.” With that he slapped a collar thing on me and dragged me to a cell.
Well as you can imagine, this came as a bit of a shock… especially when I could hear cries of pain in the background.
“Get in DeSantis, get some sleep, you’ll need it” the quite hunky Guard growled, menace and evil slipping out with every word.
“Hey, you can’t do this to this to me, I’m innocent and …..and well I’m innocent !!” I shouted…bad idea.
“DeSantis, that’s what they all say and DO NOT SHOUT or it’s the Tower for you prisoner”.
You know what?, the twat even smiled as he said it, but not a nice one.
“Ye ye you still cannot do this to me. I’m a member of the press and I’ll sue the ass off of you, you prick” I shouted again. REAL BAD MISTAKE!! Before I could even say sorry, a chain appeared on my collar and I was dragged, non too gently, to the Tower.
Modesty and the bad memories forbid me to inform you what happened. It was not pleasant for me, but the guard thought it funny…twat.
Duly subdued I was returned to my cell where I hastily IM’d the crew to say what had happened, mainly asking for a lawyer. I was too sore to sit and the mattress looked non too clean so I stood there waiting.
“Shall I shout again” I thought “m.. maybe not”.
I looked around the hell hole I had been placed in and I cringed… filth everywhere. My cell consisted of said mattress and bench. Nothing else apart from a leather guy grinning at me (where did he come from?). I looked up and there was a guard grinning at me too, that’s when I noticed the awful truth. A sign above my cell read “Baron DeSantis”, it was true then, I was a prisoner. The guard told me to follow him and opened my cell door.
“Ugh ugh “ I thought, he’s taking me back to the tower. “No way José am I going back there” hastily adding a Sir to it.
“Don’t panic DeSantis, I’ve had my fun for this hour. You have a visitor, follow me”.
“A visitor” I thought yes ! A lawyer. I decided to toe the line (for now) and duly followed Mr Grumpynuts to the Visitors room. There sat my boss , James T Juno. I won’t repeat what was said as that has been covered in a previous article by Dana Vanmoer. The long and short of it was that I was here for the duration. The meeting lasted just minutes and Mr G took me back to the cell, then a surprise! He ASKED if I wanted to go outside
“But don’t get excited DeSantis… I mean The Yard”
Damn. I again followed, bumping into the walls, due to being unsteady on my feet with nerves and shock from the inflicted beating and CENSORED. He led me to the large exercise yard where the weights etc are located. I looked around and there were other people looking at me. I spun round to look for the guard but he was gone. Gulp.
“Hi” I typed and was bombarded with hello messages. The natives were friendly.
(This is were I got my idea for my character whilst inside) “Is there somewhere I can clean up? I’m kinda sticky with blood and stuff“.
A convict showed me the shower room and thankfully left me alone.
It was then I realized..shower…toilet…dirt…wash hands. I checked and BINGO.. NO SINK, my persona of The Sink Freak was born.
More in Part 2