I have recently found myself asking the questions I expect most have asked themselves at one point or another - Is SL a game? What does it mean to me?I don't believe secondlife is a game, its a community yes there are a lot who have yet to find their way here, but, also those who have established themselves as who they wanted to be, much like in any community. Everyone is here for their own reasons and is looking for something different so the question of whether it is a game depends on what the individual is looking for.
I originally came to SL to find myself, to find out who the real me could be - stupid in a virtual place - but very true. How do you find your real self in a virtual environment?
In this world you can be who and what you want not just how you look but how you represent yourself to others. For example I was in RL very depressed after a bad relationship when I found SL so I looked for the fun and to build back my confidence, this I did as a pole dancer at the Lavapit.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time there, even though to me at the time it was just a game, I felt free to do what I wanted to do and the comments and compliments started to reflect on my RL confidence. The freedom to do as you want in an anonymous world 'be who you want to be' had a effect on the real me as I expect it will on any that embrace it.
Next i found a creative outlet in my designs, these were purely for myself to begin with but I have always enjoyed creating which had been stifled for a long time, but I also had a will to learn I love learning new things. So this was another side of secondlife I embraced.
Earning money in SL was never really important to me and still isn't, although I know many who are here purely to make real money and I wish them luck, with encouragement though I started selling my designs and loved it when people liked them :) I still give away more than I sell because I don't make them for money I make them for the creativity - I enjoy making them.
By this time SL really didn't feel like a game anymore, I had made friends and that is the turning point. Real people behind the avatars with real feelings and needs and it was complicated with real people I knew in MY secondlife - take some advice never try to save a relationship that was dead - even SL can't do that for you. This was not a nice time once again I allowed myself to be stifled, my real self was once again buried and although i didn't realise it I began to rebel both in my RL and my SL. Friends helped me through but mostly friends in SL those who had seen the change in me helped me to see the reasons for it, those that really knew me.
I had changed my job in SL, someone didn't like me dancing for him or others, my confidence was at a low yet again.
This is where feelings and friendships are developed and SL is no longer a game. I could never separate love in SL and in RL, I know many do, but its not something I personally can understand, you either love someone or you are playing a game. My friends helped me, my job at the paper gave me confidence in a different way and also an outlet for creativity.
Some I thought were friends saw me as pushy and over confident, when the real me is the exact opposite. Its hard to express emotion when you type and saying things in SL can be taken the wrong way or give the wrong impression. A lot of words get put together that were never meant the way they came across - feelings get hurt and a wrong impression is formed. I'm sure this has happened to everyone at some time or other in SL.
Some of my so called friends took sides looked at the picture from the wrong point of view, and because of my low self esteem, instead of fixing it I withdrew allowed them to hurt me.
Yes I can see how others would view my actions and words but those that knew me should have known what was behind it.
I took a step back out of SL and made some RL decisions that have changed my life. I am myself again I will never allow another to stifle me again. SL has given me the chance to be the real me in a way I never thought I would be again and even though others are trying to put me down or spoil what I have they can never change the real love I have found or the real friendships I have developed.
Can a relationship formed in SL go further? That's an individual choice but I know several cases where it has and works, including myself.
I am happier now than I have ever been in my RL, I have my family, my friends and a love I never thought was possible, but most important, I found myself again thanks to SL and friends.
The one piece of advice I would give anyone in SL choose your friends carefully. Some people are playing a game and although you feel the friendship in a very real way they may not. I have been hurt and put down and to the point of quitting SL for good because of their hurtful comments but in the end they have only showed their true colours. Don't let others put you down, only you know who you really are - let others believe what they want and be who you are!
Dana
