To find out a little more about the Second Life Dating Scene, I travelled to Avadate, one of SL's biggest and most widely known Dating Agencies, to speak to the woman behind the company, Julianna Margetts, and see if she had any useful insight for people thinking about diving into the shark infested virtual waters:
Voodoo Buwan: So, what made you feel there was a need for Avadate?
Julianna Margetts: When I first became a SL resident I found a lot of sexually oriented venues...along with the regular offerings such as clubs...but I was not meeting anybody...and I wondered how likeminded people in SL could get together.... in a more controlled environment
Voodoo Buwan: So, a way of finding love, not just sex?
Julianna Margetts: Exactly. The sex is so easy to find here, .I wanted to create a way for people to find friendship and romance..
Voodoo Buwan: And how does Avadate work exactly?
Julianna Margetts: All new Avadate members fill out a personal profile questionnaire which asks questions about their SL likes, dislikes, what they are looking for and there is an area for a personal narrative and a photo. ANd all new members also receive a folder that contains the profiles of all of the other members in the group. Everyone is free to contact whoever's profile captures their attention to get to know them better and to arrange dates. There is a one time fee of 500L to join and that is for lifetime membership
Voodoo Buwan: So, what different challenges are there when trying to find a match on SL, as opposed to RL?
Julianna Margetts: I believe the challenges are actually quite similar. It is difficult to venture out on your own trying to find someone likeminded...I actually find the challenges to be less intimidating in SL than in RL...due to the fact that many people seem to feel more free when operating from behind the safety of an avatar.
Voodoo Buwan: Partially due to the anonymity from their rl?
Julianna Margetts: Not necessarily the anonymity of their rl...just the anonymity in general...here they are free to be whoever they want to be...they enter SL with a clean slate. I thinks its a great place for those who may be on the shy or intimidated side in RL, to really let themselves go and to build their confidence, when interacting with the opposite sex
Voodoo Buwan: Do you know if many sl relationships started through Avadate have crossed over to rl?
Julianna Margetts: I do know of at least one that either will be or already has crossed over to RL through AvaDate...and I have heard of many, many more
Voodoo Buwan: What advice would you give to anyone getting into an SL relationship?
Julianna Margetts: I would tell anyone getting into an SL relationship to proceed with caution...because a day in SL is like a week in RL...and the relationships that are formed here tend to get very intense very quickly..but it is so entirely possible to have a satisfying relationship here... people tend to get to know each other on a very personal and intimate level so beware of your boundaries when you begin and have fun with it
To get a slightly more "frontline" report on the struggle to find some love and affection in the virtual world, I spoke to a self confessed expert on the SL dating circuit and the kind of disastrous dates you can have, having only recently settled down after some time on the scene. She has asked to remain anonymous, to protect the identities of those involved, so I asked "Ms X" if she could offer any advice to those about to embark into the world of cyber-dating:
Ms X: Within about 5 seconds you will know who you’re with and you will catch on real quick if they are IMing behind your back. It gets very quiet and then that’s when you should go home, as it means they are lining someone up behind your back, just in case they wont get you to animate (animating both your avatars to have sex)
You: So some guys in here can be only after one thing? Like in real life?
Ms X: There are men here who are after one thing, like the guy who will take you to the nastiest place he can think of. It kinda bothers me, cause it means there are women who it actually works with. Some men don’t use their imaginations and it always bothered me a lot
Voodoo Buwan: So, what would your tips be to men? How would you impress?
Ms X: Well, someone recently took me to the fox atomic set and it blew me away. That was it he stole me. It’s nice for a man to remain innocent to an extent. It’s nice if sex isn’t mentioned for a while. I mean in rl, would u stay with a girl who animated on the first date within 5 mins of meeting her
Voodoo Buwan: so you show that you are interested in a relationship, no just a one night stand?
Ms X: Yeah exactly. And remember, if u wanna impress someone it doesn’t cost nothing, and some girls like myself don’t care how big your house is or how big your land is… Some men start with that kinda thing right from the word go. They assume that women have nothing here forgetting that in sl there is some women who don’t need a man to look after them. And then there is ones who have a rich male best friend ...coughs lol
Voodoo Buwan: So, to sum up (a) beware silence as is can indicate a possible two timer, (b) be aware of the location of the date, as it can be an indicator of the kind of person your out with, (c) if you want a relationship, take the time to get to know the person, before suggesting sex, and (d) no one likes a show off....
Good Luck, and Good Dating!
Previous articles in this series:
Times of your (Second) Life Part 1: Pregnancy
Times of your (Second) Life Part 2: Childhood
Times of your (Second) Life Part 3: Getting a Job
